When we fall in love and experience a deep and meaningful relationship and it suddenly ends, we are left with such an intense emotional pain that we may feel that we will never find love again and truthfully, we really don’t want to.
Most of us would rather have a broken leg than a broken heart. For most of us, our partner was also our best friend, therefore, we have not only lost our loving relationship but also, the person we always turned to for a laugh, gossip, and share our most secret feelings with. The person that we have always shared our day with or any significant event for that matter, is suddenly absent. We feel completely lost.
It is not unrealistic to liken our emotions to the five stages of grief. We have in fact, lost a loved one. The five stages of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
At the initial break up, we don’t believe the person is really gone and we are certain that that person will come running back to us. Time passes and it doesn’t happen and we become angry and begin thinking terrible thoughts about ourselves and our partner. We begin making deals with God, the universe and ourselves to try to bring our partner back to us.
When nothing seems to be working, the depression sets in and the cookie dough ice cream bingeing or beer drinking begins. We tell ourselves that we will never find love again because it hurts too much or that no one else could take the place of the person we lost. After enough time has passed, we can finally accept the breakup and try to move on.
After a painful breakup, it is unrealistic to think that you can start dating again right away, because it usually ends badly. It is very difficult to find love again, especially, if you are still badly wounded.
Allow yourself the time to grieve. Sometimes the cliché answers do work.
Time does, in fact, heal all wounds, but you have to do some work, as well. Deep, demobilizing depression is not healthy after a break up. A little wallowing in grief is perfectly acceptable to let out your emotions. Watch the old movies, eat some ice cream and have a few good cries. Go out with your friends, go to a ballgame and have a few beers. This helps lance the pain from your heart.
Now it is time to allow yourself to actually heal so that you will want to find love again.
Be careful to avoid the pitfalls that slow down or stop the healing process.
An emotional wound is the same as a physical wound. If you keep picking at it, it will never heal. If every song on the radio reminds you of the breakup, slip in a CD that doesn’t remind you of that person or just turn it off. If watching a particular show or movie reminds you of your partner, don’t watch it.
These things may seem very simple solutions, but you are picking at the wound by forcing yourself to dwell on the breakup. The longer you force yourself to dwell on your lost relationship, the longer it will take you to heal and learn how to find love again.